i had a minor freak-out last night when i realized sylvie could be here, full-term and perfectly healthy, in as little as 12 weeks. WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE? riddle me that, time bandit!
i’m excited as all get out for her big debut, but i can’t help but harbor a little bit of sadness. she will never depend on me in this way again. this really hit me in bed last night, as i sat with my hand on my stomach and felt her first set of hiccups. subtle, rhythmic and soft as whispers. already time is escaping me, as time often does. i hope i remember this lesson when she is in my arms. in the haze and stupor that is new parenthood, i hope i remember to take a moment each day to cherish her for the baby she will be for such a short time.
as the daily nausea and headaches have given way to kicks and hiccups, i find more and more that i LOVE being pregnant. this has truly been the “honeymoon” trimester i’ve heard so much about. everyday i watch my middle grow and change, jump and twitch. i am in awe of what i am capable of. it is so much more than i ever thought. this pregnancy has taught me to never sell myself short. i have always been my toughest critic and have abandoned projects out of sheer frustration more times than i care to count or admit. i may never be a great bassist, a gifted seamstress or as organized as i should be, but none of that matters now. right now, as i feel my unborn daughter do a tap dance routine on my bladder worthy of vera ellen, i know that she is thriving. she is thriving because of me. she is my greatest accomplishment, one which i vow to never abandon even after the most frustrating days.
i have a greater respect than ever for my parents, for my husband’s parents, for fathers and mothers everywhere. even though i love my husband beyond all limit and measure, i feel i know true love for the first time. it is having both purposeful conviction and serene contentment at once. baby girl, my little sylvie, i love you so much.