time (is never time enough).

i had a minor freak-out last night when i realized sylvie could be here, full-term and perfectly healthy, in as little as 12 weeks. WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE? riddle me that, time bandit!

i’m excited as all get out for her big debut, but i can’t help but harbor a little bit of sadness. she will never depend on me in this way again. this really hit me in bed last night, as i sat with my hand on my stomach and felt her first set of hiccups. subtle, rhythmic and soft as whispers. already time is escaping me, as time often does. i hope i remember this lesson when she is in my arms. in the haze and stupor that is new parenthood, i hope i remember to take a moment each day to cherish her for the baby she will be for such a short time.

as the daily nausea and headaches have given way to kicks and hiccups, i find more and more that i LOVE being pregnant. this has truly been the “honeymoon” trimester i’ve heard so much about. everyday i watch my middle grow and change, jump and twitch. i am in awe of what i am capable of. it is so much more than i ever thought. this pregnancy has taught me to never sell myself short. i have always been my toughest critic and have abandoned projects out of sheer frustration more times than i care to count or admit. i may never be a great bassist, a gifted seamstress or as organized as i should be, but none of that matters now. right now, as i feel my unborn daughter do a tap dance routine on my bladder worthy of vera ellen, i know that she is thriving. she is thriving because of me. she is my greatest accomplishment, one which i vow to never abandon even after the most frustrating days.

i have a greater respect than ever for my parents, for my husband’s parents, for fathers and mothers everywhere. even though i love my husband beyond all limit and measure, i feel i know true love for the first time. it is having both purposeful conviction and serene contentment at once. baby girl, my little sylvie, i love you so much.

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7 responses to “time (is never time enough).

  1. Love your last two posts! I’ve been thinking about the love I have for my children lately and how it compares to my love for Johnny. I’m sure they must be two different kind of loves (If I knew the Greek types of love, I’d put which two they are here.) I totally get what your saying!

    • I think my husband and my child have taught me how to fully love, but in different ways. The big gift my husband has given me is he has taught me how to be loved, which is a different matter entirely.

  2. Storge is the greek work for the affection or love that parents have for their children.
    Eros is the word for romantic love we usually reserve for when we say we are ‘in love’ with someone.

  3. Time is so rude like that. But I totally agree. I find myself wanting to slow time down and speed it up simultaneously. I’m trying to enjoy the moment and not think too much about what needs to get done or worry too much about things that didn’t get done.

    I’m not much of a blogger myself, so I have a great appreciation for those who are. Blogs are great for documenting these fleeting moments…I just wonder what happens to them 20 years from now?

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