things that annoy me.

anytime someone leaves a comment here with a link to their own blog, i hop on over and check it out. this post is inspired by a particular entry on kiki la roo’s blog (great pseudonym, by the way).

today i am 32 weeks. i feel like i am getting to the homestretch and (rib pain aside) am feeling pretty great. i am still looking very forward to and excited about giving birth. one side effect of pregnancy that no one told me about is everyone around you (especially strangers) simultaneously contracting severe cases of spontaneous verbal diarrhea. all anyone wants to tell me, it seems, is horror stories about the last months of pregnancy and birth. let me spell it out for you plain and simple: I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT.

i don’t want to hear about the fact that you labored for 87,000 hours and ended up having a cesarian.

i don’t want to hear about how you went into labor wanting a drug-free birth and ended up in the OR.

i don’t want to hear about how many unexpected complications your baby had at birth.

i don’t want to be called crazy for using a midwife instead of an OB.

i especially (and ms. la roo experienced this as well) don’t want you to tell me, “you don’t need to be a martyr” when i convey to you my desire for a drug-free birth.

i don’t want you to look at me like i’ve sprouted horns and a tail when i tell you i plan on cloth diapering and breast feeding our baby. i want to do those things because i, as the child’s MOTHER, think that is what is best for her and for us.

to summarize, i don’t want to be made to feel bad about the choices travis and i have made for our daughter and ourselves.

FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE. instead of telling me about your horrendous back labor, tell me about the first time you looked into your baby’s eyes. tell me about the first time you successfully nursed instead how painful it was before you got to that point. tell me about your hopes and dreams for your child instead of your regrets about their birth.

feel free to smile at me, touch my belly, and ask me when i’m due. ask me if i’m having a boy or girl. ask me her name. i’ll gladly tell you and share the story behind it. ask me how i’m feeling. chances are i’ve already answered that question a trillion times today, but i don’t mind. ask me about why i’m making these choices for our family and i’ll happily talk to you for hours about cloth diaper brands, saving money, and making homemade baby food. START A DIALOGUE. quell your first reaction to tell a pregnant woman she’s crazy. it’s not good manners.

at 32 weeks pregnant, i am feeling happy, healthy and very loved by one stinky puppy and one handsome guy.



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38 responses to “things that annoy me.

  1. Wonderfully said.

    I had someone ask who my OB was the other week … to which I replied, I’m seeing a midwife. To which they said, “No, like who is your doctor?”

    Open door to educate/share about the wonders of OPTIONS πŸ™‚

    • Thanks. I agree. I am an open door to anyone who is curious or wants to know more! I wish more people took advantage of it instead of judging me.

  2. I loved this post so much. Probably my favorite of yours (though I rarely comment, I religiously read every post) I really respect and admire your decision to go drug-free, midwife and cloth diaper. Those all sound like really responsible decisions made by a well educated person who loves their baby. Good for you.

    xoxox

    • Thank you so much, Paige. I read (and very much enjoy) your blog too! You are a wonderful writer.
      Thank you for the kind words. It means a lot. πŸ™‚

  3. Well said! I started cloth diapering a few months ago and love it. Wish I would have started sooner.

  4. Oh boy do I know how you feel! I’m 36 weeks this week and just this morning at 7-11 some man decided to tell me how hard parenting is and how I have NO IDEA what I’m getting into all while huffing and puffing he just went on and on and on…And then some old lady scoured at me and told me it was such a shame I was so young and having a baby, even though I’m 28! Hahaha, I get it maybe some people shouldn’t have kids, maybe some people don’t like their kids, there are some people who should never be parents, but myself and my husband are very excited to be parents, and to learn as much from our daughter as we hope to teach her. I too am looking forward to birth, it’s blowing my mind that it’s so close..Every morning I look over at him still asleep and think in a few weeks there is going to be this little girl sleeping between us and of course I shed some tears..And on the fourth while grocery shopping for bbqness I had a man tell the cashier he shouldn’t sell me beer and I shouldn’t be drinking, if I was sitting at a bar that’s a valid point, but come I would think that at some point most men have had to buy tampons and I’m pretty sure those weren’t for them either. Oh how I love ranting! One thing I’m nervous for is the weird strangers that feel compelled to touch babies..I don’t want some weird old man who was just scratching his balls to touch my daughters face or her hands, I have a feeling I’m going to be a real bitch, and secretly I can’t wait!

    • OMYGOODNESS i love this comment! Reading this is exactly what I needed!
      I also get a lot of comments regarding my age an dhow young I am. Um, excuse me creepy man, I’m 25 and happily married. Yeesh! I get a lot of people who look at my stomach and immediately look at my left hand to see if there’s a ring.

      Don’t even get me started on running out to buy beer for my husband and a house guest! So many evil looks.

  5. I absolutely agree. I’m not NEARLY as far along as you are, yet everyone is already questioning our plans/beliefs and trying to scare me into (or out of) doing things MY way, the way I want to do them.
    I think you should do whatever you feel is best for YOUR child. Of course, it just so happens that we also plan to do the same things (breast feeding, cloth diapering, etc) BUT I would not feel the need to preach to you if you said you wanted to bottle feed. I think that every mother has the right to do what she wants with her own child. I might not always agree, but that doesn’t mean I can’t support her. That’s what mothers should focus on- supporting each other. Not arguing. πŸ™‚

  6. Rock on, Mama! (And thanks for the plug! Too kind!)

    Drug free birth is attainable for anyone who truly wants it. You CAN do it!!!! The secret is not that it may be a teeny bit painful, but rather that YOU ARE STRONG!

    Breastfeeding is easy. Keep it simple. Put nothing in that baby’s mouth ‘cept yo boobie. And do it a lot. Don’t wait until she’s wailing to feed her. Anticipate she will be hungry…a lot.

    Cloth diapers are so worth it. We are exclusively using them with #3 and I wonder why I ever used disposables with the first two kids (I did half and half).

    πŸ˜€

  7. Yep, people always have lots of advice to give. I’ve just started to try and come up with positive things to say. Like how blessed I am, or something. You wouldn’t believe how many people have said to me, “Well, you finally got your girl.” As if that was our goal and Nathaniel is not wanted.

    I would just like to say…if you do end up having to do something you don’t want to do, like an epidural or something, don’t hate yourself for it. It is disappointing when you have to do something like that, but just be thankful for your healthy baby, and you’ll forget it soon enough. (I think you already know this.) That being said, a birthing ball for laboring is AWESOME. And if you have back labor, hot towels, or hot packs of some kind, work wonders!

    As for breastfeeding – I found the lactation consultant to be invaluable. I didn’t know newborns – especially your first – would want to nurse every hour. I also produce an overabundance of milk. Which means baby gets too much foremilk. She helped me take care of that problem. And that weirdo plugged duct thing I got the first time around – yeah, I can tell you how to fix that if it happens to you. πŸ˜‰ Here is something that I love, that you might want to get if you don’t have one already. I love mine and wish I’d had it with all 3!

    http://www.mom4life.com/catalog.php?item=1154

    I am very excited about all of your choices and think they are so great! I can’t wait to see how it all turns out and hear your birthing story! I’ve always wanted to use a midwife.

    If I used cloth diapers I think I’d use bumGenius, or something similar. Which ones have you decided on?

    • Out of my friends who are pregnant I am the furthest along. I decided from day one to only focus on positive things when they asked my advice. One of my friends had TERRIBLE (way worse than me) morning sickness. I tried to tell her that it would eventually stop instead of commiserating.

      I really look forward to sharing my birthing story! My desire to do this is very strong and I know that I can. It also helps that I have a great birth partner in Travis. His patience and kindness is invaluable. πŸ™‚

      A friend of ours gave us a shopping bag full of cloth diapers the other day!!! They are mostly bumgenius and fuzzibunz with a few other brands thrown in. We registered for those brands as well as gdiapers. I can’t wait to try them all out! I’m sure I’ll do a big post of my preferences after she’s here.

  8. I could not agree with you more! Everyone I know that has had a child feels the need to tell me every freaking detail of their birth experience! and some even try to come off as if they know everything and tell me what I should do! Seriously…I am over it too!

    • I wish mothers would look back and remember when they were pregnant. As far as I know, no pregnant woman appreciates the comments. Let’s remember that for the future!

  9. People say the WORST things to pregnant women! My girlfriend is collecting short examples for a book. I’ll have to send her to your blog for material. I will tell my little contribution here. My husband and I were so excited we were pregnant we told some people very early – like neighbors and a few friends. I was around 6 – 8 weeks. I was SHOCKED at how many times people replied with “Wow isn’t it early to be telling people? My friend so and so lost her baby at 11 weeks” Umm how about a “congratulations” and then shut the h up! It happened 4 times so I quit telling people. Killjoys. I am now 14 weeks and try to avoid new people finding out.

  10. PS looking forward to hearing your tips about cloth diapering. We are going to give it a go as well!

    • I had one particular person tell me about her miscarriage about 5 times. I was 12 weeks and all she wanted to do was tell me about how she lost her baby at 12 weeks. I hated hearing it. Congrats on your pregnancy and entering the 2nd trimester!

  11. here is something positive….

    after giving birth was the first time i ever had the “i am woman, hear me roar!” moment. really, i felt like superwoman. πŸ™‚

  12. I am due any day now, and am doing a water birth with a doula at a midwife-led center. I feel the same way you do. Stop telling horror stories and being such haters, because it does me no good. In our hypnobirthing class, they gave us buttons that said, “Only positive, please. My baby is listening.” Funny, but true. (And no, I am not wearing this button around, but maybe should be).
    Any day now I’ll have a fabulous and inspiring natural birth story for you πŸ™‚

    • You are so lucky on two counts. 1. You have a birthing center near you! and 2. You have hypnobirthing classes in your area.

      I wish so badly that I could birth at a birth center. I am having a midwife assisted birth, but at a hospital. The closest birth center is almost 2 hours away and home birth are illegal here. I hate this small town for so many reasons and can’t wait to move in a year, but I digress. I wish hypnobirthing classes were available in my area. I couldn’t even find one anywhere near here when I did my research. Both of these options were first choices for me. I am happy, however, that I did find a midwife/practice that is very supportive of unmedicated birthing. I’ve heard from friends with small children that our hospital is very supportive of the mother. I am so lucky for that.

      I will keep an eye on your blog. Congratulations on your pregnancy and upcoming birth! I can’t wait to follow along and read your story!

  13. Emily Ronning

    I’m a nanny from Minneapolis and am constantly around moms/families who chose the natural birth route and cloth-diaper their children, etc. The child-rearing process isn’t something we NEED to mask the pain for anyway, because it’s something our body, as women, is equipped for. How insane and awesome is that? I’ve been lucky to live in a city where natural birth, and all the things I’d do for my future children, is well accepted. It’s just too bad the people who have been giving you a hard time have such a small world that they can’t open their blinders to someone who’s choosing something different than they did. Anyway, if I were to come across you sometime, I’d just give you a serious high-five. You go!

    • First off, nannies rock! My best friend was a nanny for a number of years. πŸ™‚
      I agree completely about it being unnecessary to mask the pain. This is what my body is designed to do. I got pregnant and have spent the last 8 months growing a baby without medical intervention. I believe I can birth that way, too. Why does receiving massive amounts of pain killers have to be the norm? I don’t understand why I constantly have to defend what was once regarded as correct and natural.
      If I ever make it over to the twin cities I’ll seek you out for a high five, too!

  14. Hi again,
    We tried many cloth diapers and found the bumgenius all in one and pocket diapers to be our favorite along with biosoft liners to help with the messy ones. And we like the Rockin’ Green Detergent. Hope that helps…. πŸ™‚

    • Awesome. Thanks for the advice! I’ve heard such good things about the bumgenius diapers. I’ll definitely need to pick some up!

  15. I remember having these exact same annoyances when I was pregnant!! I am so so happy that after having a wonderful home water birth with midwives and a doula that I can share my positive experience with pregnant women (and just about anyone else who will listen!).

  16. i think it’s great you want to do all those things.. i find people are for or against… for some reason it makes people act kind of funny when you mention natural labor, cloth diapers, or wanting to strictly stick only with breastfeeding… i don’t know about anyone else but for me the vibe i get from the commenter is that they seem a bit jealous/ act like they feel guilty for not doing it with their child and that they don’t want you to do something they haven’t (kinda get the jealous passive aggressive girl vibe)… but that’s just my impression from my own experiences…
    now don’t hate me for adding one piece of advice but i just have to… i have breastfeed my daughter and she took to it great but i could not keep her awake in the hospital (we’re talking 24 hours after birth), she was great with sucking but seemed so out of it… i don’t know how it is with a midwife but i had a OB, and they had me on pain killers after birth… i was so out of it and exhausted, that i didn’t think twice, and they didn’t even tell me what it was or how intense it was, just gave it to me and i took it… my husband and i googled the pills they had me on while at the hospital and turns out the manufactures of the pills even counsel against giving them to pregnant and nursing women… but for some reason the dr. prescribed them to me… the pills were totally drugging my child, the second i stopped taking them, my baby was like a completely different child with in hours and has feed well and stayed awake good enough since then… if you want natural, be aware of pain killers after birth, doctors pass them out like candy… it makes me mad because my baby was in special care and i would talk to the nurses while trying to feed her unsuccessfully and i’d say, “i don’t understand why my baby wont stay awake longer then a minute”… and they would keep on saying,”oh, its probably because she had an intense birth” and “oh, its because she has jaundice”… umm, no its because of the pills i was given and they should have know and identified it as that since that is their field… lucky for me, my husband is a health nut and we figured it out with in the first 24 hours of babies life, but it scared me that i wasn’t able to successfully feed her at first, and the nurses kept on saying, “oh just give her a bottle”… even though the problem wasn’t even me, or the baby sucking but the fact that she was so out of it…
    anyways sorry for going off, i just wanted to share, not trying to impose… hope all goes well for you and baby…

    • Thanks for the detailed comment! It sounds like your post-birth ordeal was quite the pain in the ass. I doubt my midwife would give me anything for pain unless I specifically request it. She is very patient and she listens well, which is why I chose her.
      I totally get the passive aggressive vibe from the strangers who comment. I don’t know if it comes from a place of regret or because they think they know everything because they’ve already been through it. I sense a bit of both, usually the latter.

  17. Hey Mama, I didn’t read all of the comments, and I know it’s been a few days since you posted this- I’ve been reading for a while, and I don’t really comment much.. I just tend to catch up on you and your little family when I have time.

    I just wanted to say you ROCK! As a Doula, you would be my dream client! Not very many women make the choices you have, and I don’t for a minute understand why. Not only are your choices best for your family, but they’re the safest for your baby and your health. You’ve done the research, and you’ve made smart decisions!

    Keep it up, I know the crap people share is just bizarre sometimes, but the fact that you’re open to discussing your choices and that you share so much is just AWESOME… Thank you, so much! Your birth will be absolutely magical wonderful sparkle-fart beauty!!

    • Hahaha. Thanks, Katie. I don’t really understand why people want to villianize (is that even a word?) these decisions. It makes no sense to me either!
      By the way, I’m pretty sure “sparkle-fart beauty” is my new favorite phrase.
      Thanks for stopping by!

      • I reserve the favorites for people who will appreciate them. πŸ˜‰ Bebe will be so proud of her Mama (and Papa), I’m sure she’ll only see the Super Heroes that you tow are and appreciate the decisions you’ve made for her before she’s able to make them herself.

        I wonder if maybe other people are lazy but at the same time jealous of others who do things that are more holistic so they tend to put holistic people down. Just like the popular girls put down the geeky smart kids in school. In the end we all know who comes out ahead, but it doesn’t make high school (or mommy-hood) less of a struggle.

  18. I wish I had had “blog buddies” when I was growing up and growing babies! Such a wonderful community of support and love. It is great to follow all of you. You go, Girls!

  19. Oh good lord i FREAKING HEAR YOU ON THIS! AAAAAH! i feel just reading this post has relieved some of my pent up frustration on this subject.

    • Hahaha. I’m glad I could help! I’ve actually checked out your blog in the past and have always meant to comment. You’re one adorable mama!

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